As she was maturing in life, she tried her level best to be what others expected her to be (conforming to other people’s standards), she would do her best not to hurt other people( that’s what she thought, if you don’t succumb to other people’s opinions you are hurting them), she listened to people more than she listened to her Maker, she was not even aware that she also had a voice that she needed to listen to, she had no definition of who she was as her life was defined by other people’s terms and in the process she completely lost herself and she was not in her space as she had to live her life through other people’s lives.
She was so disappointed by discovering this at such a very late stage of her life, Do I have to change after such a long period of time? thinking to herself, it was better to continue living a lie as it seemed real to her, but what had been revealed to her was nothing but the truth.
She had discovered that once the heart resonates with truth it produces tremendous strength so it was never too late to be herself, after all she was a child of God the Creator of heaven and earth, she should be able to find her space in this world (where she could live her uniqueness), surely God will direct her accordingly, affirming herself, ooh how then do I become myself?
She realised that becoming herself was a lifelong process of just living her life unfolding who God created her to be, and that started by knowing where she was and where she was going. who is she? “she is the image of the most high God, there is no truth greater than that”, she said to herself, she is peculiar, she is the reflections of love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control, she has the ability to exist and be engaged in the moment, reflecting who she is in a space given to her, Wow it was a good thing that she had somehow located a bit of herself.
She was so energised and strengthened by the thought of believing that she was about to live a life that God preordained for her, she prayed about this and prayer became her life, sometimes her mind would deceive her that prayer was a waste time, how can you pray for years without receiving?( with time she learnt that some prayers are an investment , you pray them today and they will be answered when you have long forgotten about you praying), from that time she made a commitment to God that she will pray to God all the days of her life whether receiving answers or not, and as she did she discovered that as she was involved in the processes of this world, she learnt that prayer was not only used to ask and receive from her Maker but prayer also helped her to stand in the right position where she was able to be used for noble purposes, so as she prayed she fell in love with this woman that she was becoming , she was unique even though other people were so critical about this woman but she was falling in love with her every day (self-discovery and self-love ).
Her thoughts, her beliefs, her ideals, her lifestyle, standing up for what she believes in was a miracle, She really enjoyed her space, she was so fascinating by her newly discovered territory that allowed her to grow towards her destiny, defining her space, “ it is a place of honour and glory, It’s her palace where she reigns with passion, a place with all the resources that are required to fulfil her purpose, it’s a place where her voice is louder than any other voice and echoes to the rest of the world, it is a space where she is a king to her world, a territory of comfort, a zone that allows her to be authentic, it’s a platform that allows her inner beauty to come out, it is a place with an ambience of possibilities, she discovered that her space was a big territory with no boundaries, she could stretch herself to extra ordinary”, wow! she marvelled at discovering this.
Finding herself and her space was an achievement in her life, this venture was like closing a door behind and going through a new door, that marked the beginning of a new life where she was the only one in charge, she was living in total bliss. It came to her understanding that crying was to remain for a moment because now she had received a lifetime favour, this was really a paradigm shift for her, the transformation was like peeling off her old skin and everything became new. Becoming herself was the most wonderful and liberating thing to her, I don’t have to try so hard because my simplicity is what makes me stand out from the crowd, after all individuality is strength and I wouldn’t trade this for anything in the world, I may not have it all, I may not be appreciated but the truth is I have it all because I am whole, I am me, she deliberated.
She looked around and found herself to be the best in her space that’s why she is still in competition with no one but herself.
Pleasing others and trying to live up to their unattainable standards taught her not to wait for people to validate and support her, she realised she cannot be all that people want her to be, she cannot make people support her instead she can give herself what she needs, with this she decided she will never try so hard to keep relationships that are toxic to her system instead she is going to work on a relationship with herself.She is an intelligent, worthy and a valuable human being, she is a survivor, she values other people’s opinions but she will never substitute their judgement for her own.
Romans 12:2 “Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.”